Wake Up Call or Business as Usual
Gil Blumenthal

When El Cajon, CA police arrested Jason Hoffman for allegedly shooting three students and a teacher at Granite Hills High School, the nation entered a new era of school violence. This replay of a similar situation involving 15 year old Charles Andrew Williams just two weeks earlier at Santana High school, only seven miles away in suburban San Diego, serves to exemplify that no campus environment is immune to violent behavior.

Who could imagine that an otherwise tranquil community would experience such extreme violence? Were Hoffman and Williams’ actions aberrations, or a preview of things to come? To answer this question consider the following results from the most recent USA Weekend 13th Annual Teen Survey.

4 in 10 students' homes have guns; more than half say they could access those weapons

4 in 10 respondents say a teen in their community could get a gun within a day

7 in 10 students would feel happier if schools were safer; more than half say they would learn more

3 in 4 students report that "stupid things" -- a glance, a slight, bumping into people -- cause most conflicts at school

11% of survey respondents say kids regularly carry weapons to school.

These answers were given by 6th to 12th graders nationwide. Other reputable national surveys reinforce that teasing, bullying, violence, discrimination, drugs and alcohol are "tough" issues for kids in school.

Students are in a deadly "Catch 22." Personal and societal pressures are mounting and the tools to deal with those pressures are, for the most part absent. Even if you could possibly put aside the glorification of violence that has become so prevalent, life is still a complicated place. These students have historically been offered little in the way of training to deal with the conflicts in their lives. Is it fair to them, their future employers, their families and your community to miss what could be their last opportunity to learn an essential life skill?

Violent or anti-social behavior in school is the symptom of a problem. Some of the problem can be addressed by recognizing that many students have never contemplated alternative behavior to achieve the same outcome. Students repeatedly tell us that they didn’t realize that they had choices. Students often can’t address their real interests because they’ve locked themselves into a position. Can we help them address this problem? The answer is a resounding "Yes." There is a great deal of lip service given to Win-Win negotiation. The trick is to make those words truly meaningful. Most people cannot differentiate between a conflict and a dispute. Yet thousands of student peer mediators are doing their best to both learn and apply conflict management skills in their schools. These trained students often deal with volatile issues in ways their elders and many of their peers cannot. Trained students succeed where others fail. We should be providing these skills to millions of students as part of lifetime learning.

Life experience is good, but does not necessarily teach you the nuances of effective and efficient conflict management. In life you learn to survive and in turn you learn to win with little regard of what happens to the other party. That is what society has accepted as a norm. However, those of us who work in the conflict resolution world can tell you that a win-win orientation can become the norm. However, getting to a win-win outcome is virtually impossible without some instruction imbedded into the process. People need to learn how to deal with the win-lose mentality before getting to a win-win outcome. Surprisingly, the revelation that you can actually get what you want (what you really want) without significant losses, comes as a pleasant surprise to the uninitiated. Similar instruction given to all students can serve as a preventative measure as well as a coping tool. It addresses their concerns about safety, coexistence and for some, survival.

Conflict management education is an essential life skill. One of my colleagues ends every e mail with the quote "Life has conflict, growth is optional." For students to grow we must reach beyond the traditional core curriculum. Changing dynamics in our times such as the increase of influencers including the media and technology have made life more complex. Unfortunately, not enough people have the tools necessary to cope.

So with the knowledge that anything can happen on your campus and that your students are accepting, even embracing more violent role models what exactly can you do? I believe the answer is to do what you have always done – help you students grow and evolve. Conflict management is a very personal matter. Having a game plan is the common denominator in getting along, having better self-esteem and getting what you want in a civil manner. Students must be given the tools to make better and more responsible choices.

With the proper tools in the hands of your students you will be able to answer the question "What are you going to do about campus conflict?" with a straightforward answer: "We’re giving the students some tools to help them deal with life’s conflicts. These tools will help them recognize and evaluate how to handle conflict. They will better appreciate both their own interests and the interests of others. They should also become better communicators and active listeners. Hopefully, this will result in better decision-making and more civil and considerate behavior."

Jason Hoffman and Charles Andrew Williams continue to remind us that the frustrations and anger young people experience do not go away with time. Their outbursts should indeed be a wake up call, but they also should be a call to action. We should go about our business as usual – but that business should include a constructive response to a growing societal problem of violence and indifference and lack of consideration for others.

Mr. Blumenthal is a co-founder and the Chief Executive Officer of KnowConflict, LLC. KnowConflict is a national provider of online conflict management education. He is an expert on conflict resolution and is an experienced mediator and arbitrator. He can be reached at gil@knowconflict.com

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